Miracle Worker

The cast and crew for the Miracle were excellent and so much fun to work with.

Our adventure began in late August when we auditioned for the show.  I always request a small part because my energy levels cannot keep up with the demands of a larger role on stage.  I did a general audition and got the part of the house keeper, Viney.    The big news was that Ashleigh auditioned as well as got the part of Annie Sullivan.  She was super excited.

The show was difficult to practice as we were stuck in the library basement for the first weeks and a few of our cast were unavailable to start.  It was slow going and nothing really felt right until we got into the theater and were allowed to practice on our real stage.

The show is VERY demanding physically and emotionally.  I was very glad I had the role I did.  It was about all I could handle.  I had to set the table a few times,  pump water a couple of times and had a handful of lines.   Ashleigh was the bulk of the show.  She had so mush to do on stage,  I am really not sure how she remembered it all!  She did an amazing job with lines, physical stage work and covering for her cast-mates who struggled with remembering their parts.   We opened Nov. 1st, then had the Sunday show cancelled due to weather.  The following weekend we held all three shows to decent audiences.  The show itself did not pull in the audiences the same way that Wizard and Godspell had,  but it still did pretty well.   Everyone agreed that Ashleigh and Olivia (Helen) were amazing!

Grand Mals

Written after the fact and post dated so I can remember when it all happened...

On Saturday, September 13, 2014 I woke up around 6AM and hustled into dialysis.   I arrived at dialysis and Brandon called me right in.  I got on the machine right around 7AM, the usual time.    Dialysis itself was fairly uneventful.  My foot and right ankle cramped around 11:30 and Gerard gave me some saline.  I stood up on my foot and the cramping eased off.   I remember sitting back down and dozing a bit.   The next thing I remember is the ER.   I woke to find myself in the emergency room.   My former classmate Shirley was there as one of my nurses.   I had an IV in my hand and was told I had a seizure at dialysis.   I recall bits and pieces of the ER.  I woke again to find myself in room 132 of the hospital Saturday afternoon.   I was told I had another seizure in the ER.   I also had a CAT scan at some point on Saturday, though I have no memory of it.   I am told that my mother visited.   I remember nothing of Saturday.    I have a faint memory of coffee ice cream.

2 Grand Mal Seizures out of no where for no known reason.

I was in the hospital until Tuesday.  They found no reason for the seizures and put me on an anti-seizure med called Keppra.   The neurologists found no abnormal activity in the test results  (they looked at my brain,  found nothing (hahaha))  One more thing to add to my growing list of concerns and ailments and yet another thing to raise my anxiety...  yeah me.

Anemia, what a good time.

So...  the rest of May was interesting.    These events began on May 17th and I was home safe and sound on Friday May 23rd.

   Almost died.   I don't recommend it.

     In March, April and May I had a health issue and ended up having a minor surgery.

 After being in and out of the ER at CMMC over the weekend, and a terrible time at dialysis in Auburn on Monday (5/19), they finally decided to do the surgery.  Although I was anemic,  they avoided giving me blood transfusions as it can make it harder to get transplanted in the future.  The surgery was done on Tuesday after dialysis in Augusta (since I bailed on Auburn early).  It wasn't too big a deal,  until...

 I came home from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon and  could not feel OK.    I had come home and was out of my head, started panicking about feeling so sick and dizzy.  I was basically freaking out.    Finally,  I called 911 and was taken back to CMMC.   I spent the evening in the ER with several nurses and Dr.s fretting over me.   I remember them telling me they needed to start IVs.  It took a life flight team with an ultra-sound to get 2 IVs working.  One to give me blood transfusions,  the other for anything else.  Scott stayed by my side the whole night.   No one was sure if I was bleeding internally from the surgery, or if something else was going on.   Eventually I was admitted to ICU and given another unit of blood.  I remember thinking that my ICU nurse looked about 14.  She was very nice.  I began to feel less out of it as the night went on.  They sent Scott home and gave me sedatives.

By morning I was feeling MUCH better.  They admitted me to a regular room for observation.  The IVs were painful,  but I cannot describe the feeling of being that anemic.  I had dialysis at CMMC on Thursday and went back home on Friday.  On Saturday I was back at the Kidney Center in Augusta.  By the next week it was business as usual.

Amazing that you can go from ICU to fine in a few days.

Sometimes Life Just Sucks

On Tuesday,  April 29, 2014, I went into dialysis.   I knew there was a good chance that I would have a substitute nurse, as our shift nurse has been sick for quite a while.  I was right.  I noticed as I walked in, that the director of our facility was also there.  I remembered at that moment, I had been told to be slightly early if possible, as he was going to visit.  I was at least on time, and he was still busy with other patients.  I got hooked up to my machine and relaxed to begin watching NCIS (new episode, yay!)  At about 8:20 the director made his way to me.   He was accompanied by the facility Social Worker.  They sat at the end of my chair.  I stopped watching NCIS and removed my ear piece.   I knew then,  that they were not here for a routine visit.

The news was delivered quickly.   We are closing the Nocturnal shift.   Thursday will be the last Nocturnal shift.   -  I was devastated.  I have been on this nocturnal shift since it was first offered.  I even made it through the first attempt to close it and turn it into an evening shift.  Since 2008,  I have been on Nocturnal,  having dialysis from about 8PM to 4AM three nights a week.   I have had the same tech for the entire time,  while we have gone through a few nurses.  My whole life is arranged around this schedule.  Now,  with about 48hours notice, it all changed.

My options:   I only have one option for the immediate future...  T, TH, Sat.  day time dialysis of 4 hours.   8 hours is immensely better for my body,  but that seems to be irrelevant.   Eventually I might be able to move to the Auburn facility where there is still a Nocturnal shift...  they will have to hire a nurse for that to happen  (then why they can't they hire a damn nurse here???)   but that is at least a few weeks out.   Another option is peritoneal dialysis which I could do overnight in my home.  (This sounds perfect,  but I may not qualify and my house may not be able to handle it!)

I feel like I have not good options...  even if I can go to Auburn it is quite a drive and I barely make it home now...  never mind the Winter driving.

I am not a fan of change to begin with,  but this seems harsh.  My whole life,  thrown into chaos,  with no notice and no good options.   Life just sucks sometimes.  On the flip side - what are you going to do???   it is what it is and I have always felt that Worry is a waste of time and emotion.  Accept what is, or act to change it.   I have written a letter (below)  and sent it to as many top folks at Fresenius that I could find.  Only time will tell if it does any good.  Until then,  you will find me on the Morning shift T, TH and EVERY FREAKING SATURDAY!!!   until otherwise notified.  :(

the letter:  

April 29, 2014

Dear Fresenius: 

What is happening to us is not OK.  I am writing to you,  while sitting in a Fresenius chair, hooked up to a Fresenius machine, in a Fresenius center.    I was informed, after I was hooked up, that my Nocturnal shift (that I have been on for about 6 years) is closing.   Not going to close, not might close, not will close in a few weeks,  nope  CLOSED as of the next treatment.   This is not my job,  I cannot simply walk away if I no longer like the terms,  this is my LIFE.  I spend 24 hours a week hooked to this machine.  A machine, without which, I would die.  This is my LIFE.   

I am told, by my clinic (2002) director, that this is a staffing issue and Fresenius needs to know every shift is safe.  OK,  so we shut down until someone can be hired…  NO,  it is closed for good.   There are several people on this shift.   Six of us are 8 hours,  true nocturnal.  The rest are really evening patients that come to our shift because the MWF evening shift is too  full to accommodate them; as are the MWF morning and afternoon shifts.   Too full.   So why are we closing a well-populated shift?  

Nocturnal dialysis is a growing industry.   Studies (see the November 2007 issue of aakp RENALIFE) have shown that the slower eight hour shift provides numerous health benefits to patients and allows them to function a lot closer to “normal.”   I have witnessed these results for myself.   I no longer get jittery and my lab work has improved significantly compared to my results on a four hour shift.   The atmosphere on nocturnal is also much quieter and calmer which has helped with my anxieties.   I can sleep on the shift and return home to sleep a couple more hours, then function as near to healthy as possible;  this is important as I have a home-schooled child waiting for me.    To be shutting down the nocturnal program here in Augusta, Maine is foolish and against the idea of progress.  It feels like a budget choice, not a decision made in the best interest of the patients relying on said shift.

Fresenius made about 1.1 BILLION dollars last year.  ONE POINT ONE B I L L I O N dollars.  It is clear to me,  and to the others on my (former) Nocturnal shift that the real answer here is that we are not worth what it would take to hire a nurse for our shift.   A nurse,  one nurse.   It would seem to me that our director was left without options,  without any support from this so called wonderful company.  Your motto used to be about Excellence…   I see that less and less now, and I can see why.  Excellence is about treating your patients well, understanding that they already have many challenges in their lives.  Not shutting down a much needed shift and rearranging them like meaningless puzzle pieces, without value.

Ultimately,  I am but a hostage and the decision is completely out of my hands.  As is the decision to give us all absolutely no notice.  Our lives have been thrown into complete chaos and we can do nothing about it.  My health, home and happiness apparently means very little in light of corporate decisions and the almighty dollar.  

As you are also the only company offering dialysis within any reasonable distance,  I will have to make peace with whatever decisions are made for me.

Cindy Dunham
Clinic 2002
Augusta, MAINE

Until next time  Write on!

Godspell!

Godspell was amazing.   Great cast, great show, great fun!

The production of Godspell at Cumston Hall went wonderfully and I think audiences were very pleased.  The songs were lively and fun and we had a great time doing the show.

Jeff/Jesus has an amazing voice and was a great leader for the rest of us to follow.  This was my first musical and I am very happy to be a part of such a talented group of singers/actors.  Colleen was a patient musical director and helped me to find a place in each of the songs (even if I faked it a little.)  

I struggled most with the order of events in this production.  I was never quite sure what came next, which parable or routine but I think it added a bit of authenticity to my clueless citizen act.   We knew them all,  just the order seemed to be the last thing to come.  By opening night we had nailed it and the shows went very well.

Write-on!

Inspiration wanted:

It feels like my brain has run out of words to write.  I sit and stare at the page... I know I want to write,  I know what I want to happen in the story... but no words will come to my head as I sit there... looking at the white screen.     I really need to sit and write non-sense for an hour or so EVERYDAY!!!  This is what I need to do to get creative juices flowing....   I just never make myself do it.   PLEASE:  I would like everyone who reads this post to comment with a writing prompt...  a sentence, and incomplete sentence, a word, idea,  etc.  for me to use in writing exercises over the next few weeks.  I may even share some of them if I feel so inclined...   :)   Blogger tells me how many page hits I get,  so I will totally know if you guys are reading this and not leaving me any ideas!   Now...  without over thinking it,  INSPIRE ME!!!!!

Doctors - Does it take 6 years to learn that attitude?

Doctors!  Arg.  I have a few doctors with all my medical problems.  I see a nephrologist at dialysis.  I am SUPPOSED to see the doctor on duty once a week.  I am on the nocturnal shift at dialysis.  I get on around 8pm.  I will admit I am not the most prompt patient.  Sometimes life gets in the way and I am late for my shift.  (I figure I am on dialysis TO LIVE - so I might as well enjoy life)   No one gets on directly after me and the staff is not horribly busy at my time, so the only one affected by my lateness is me.   The one exception is when the Dr. is there to see me.  I get it, he doesn't want to wait all evening to see when I show up.  I really do get it.  He only needs to let me know what night he is getting there and I will make it a point to be on time.  
Our visits usually go like this -
      Dr.: "Your labs look good,  you need anything?"
      Me:  "Nope."

That is the extent of our visit...  no listening to my heart,  no quick check up,  nothing...  if I need a prescription filled (maybe once every other month)  we do that.  That is it.

The doctor on duty shows up for the nocturnal shift randomly and seldom waits for me to get there.  He then calls me to make an appointment at his office.  His office in the opposite direction and about an hour out of my way.  Just so I can say "nope."  I don't think so!

Now I get wanting me to be on time - just tell me when you're coming!   But I DO NOT get refusing to work with me and insisting I make arrangements to come into your office.  Aren't you the one getting paid????  My hours aren't billable, yours are.  YOU MAKE arrangements to come to see me!   I will at least tell you when to expect me.   GEESH.


UPDATE:  His secretary called to let me know he would be there this Thursday... finally- progress!

What? I just blogged all over myself....

So...some how June turned into July and July into August and so on and so on...  until 2013 turned into 2014!     I was determined not to make a resolution about blogging AGAIN this year.  So I have waited the respectable 2 weeks since the turn of the year... now I can begin to blog... and ultimately fail to keep up with it,  without the cliche resolution failure.  It will just count as everyday run of the mill failure.  

Too bad I have absolutely nothing interesting to say  :)  yup...  I got nothing.    I still struggle with the discipline to write daily.  I know I need to,  I know I want to,  but then I frig about on FB for so long that I no longer have the time to write anything.    I have a novel that is mostly written.  It needs a whole lot of editing and rewriting, but it is mostly written.  I should probably be doing that now.  I have one or two other things that have been half written and then mostly forgotten...  I could be working on any number of them... but I decided to resurrect this blog for the...  what?  8th time?  Yeah,  we'll go with 8th time.  Anyway,  while it lasts...  WRITE ON!